I feel like I’m blocked. I feel like I’m moving forward but my spirit is blocked. I don’t know how to become, unblocked?…
I have been gung ho running towards this dream of buying a van for almost a solid year now. Dudes, a solid year! Last night was the first time that I let myself spend the money and get a hotel room so I could completely sit in silence, by silence I mean turning the cell phone about 8 o’clock, and just sleep. Now and then I’ve stayed with friends and family but it’s not the same.
Housesitting, pet sitting or just staying with friends or family for a few days is NOT the same as giving yourself the gift of alone time.
Seriously last night I Googled how to tell if I was in a rut. I am but I’m not right?. As far as my social life, love life and travel life are concerned I am in a total and complete rut! I’ve been working and working and working and working to pay things off and put money away to buy this van. Dudes it’s like I have tunnel vision.
I was chitchatting with my manager today picking up shifts for next week and she says, “Lori do you really want to work that much? Do you really want to work that many days in a row?” Even she can tell I’ve been burning the candle at both ends!
I lost my groove and creativity. I had a nice hotel room last night and I did not even invite over “the dude” because all I wanted was peace and quiet and sleep. Me too tired to smooch and snuggle? The answer is HECK YES! Dear god something must be wrong with me!… LOL
Not to mention my poor body man! When I get tired I make really super crappy life decisions as far as working out and food goes. I really need to get a grip and realign myself because being healthy, meditating and yoga/workingout on a daily basis is what my career goal is.
Do you ever get so tired to the point where you just start crying? I mean it may be a totally chic thing to do but I’m telling you it’s happened way too often lately! At least three times this past week! 😭. (I can’t even blame on my period 😕)
I have never been one to put forth a ton of effort towards something that does not interest me, just ask my parents… LOL. But when there is something that I really want, holy crap do I go full steam ahead into it! Sometimes when I’m driving down the road I have is out of body experience where I’m beside myself and I can see myself literally driving in my van winding through Utah, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming etc.
So I’ve been ranting for a little bit now so I guess the moral of the story is is that I need to start dedicating time to myself. My van will come in due time but if I don’t tart start taking care myself I’m going to go nuts! 🥜
I’m so going to get a hotel room once a month or once every two months for sure because I cannot believe I didn’t do that earlier!!!
Peace, love and R&R,
“Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow