Snow is covering the patio furniture that I just put out a week ago when it was 70 degrees and sunny. 🤦🏻♀️ I just couldn’t wait to sit outside with a cup of coffee and crossword while basking in the morning sun. Well the sun is hiding this morning so I am tucked in bed with a cup of coffee, my hound Lula snoring next to me and the crossword. Which I was doing well at until I wasn’t. But it is always a good idea to let it rest and then come back to it later as some of the answers come to me. What a metaphor for life eh?
I have a birthday coming up and the only thing I really want is a hot plate to keep my mug of whatever hot so that while I am sitting in bed, at the table or outside so my whatever (coffee, tea or hot water with lemon) stays hot.
It has been a while since I have been on here. I have since moved back from Colorado, went back to work at the hospital and moved back home until I purchase a home of sorts.
Colorado was beautiful. The job however was not feasible but I am glad I checked off that item on my bucket list. Working for the national parks would have best worked out for me if I had started in my twenties. Getting paid in sunsets at 46 years old is not doable for me. Also I know this is going to sound like a “oh woe is me” thing to some but I will say it anyways. I HATED working five days a week. The drudgery was sucking my soul dry. Give me three twelves and four days off and I am a happy gal. The sunrises out the windows of the patients rooms are gorgeous and the sunsets walking out of work are gorgeous!
Moving away last year helped me tremendously. I was able to discover a few of things that have helped me feel more settled internally than I have ever felt before.
- I am finally content knowing that I will probably never feel content. What I mean is that I have accepted who I am. I know longer feel like I am chasing my life down. I am content in knowing that I am who I am and do not feel the need to subscribe to certain timelines or norms. I always used to feel there was something wrong with me about not wanting to be married, or being uber successful. I do not love concept of marriage. And as far as success goes….one’s uber success can look much different to another’s. I cannot compare my life to others because we are all individuals on our own journeys. But I know now that I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not have anything to prove even to myself. I am who I am with room to grow, learn and love. I am right where I need to be in this moment.
- I am content being alone/single. While I would love to live out my dreams with a man that I love, I know I am peaceful and I am content with living them out on my own. I love myself and my place in the world like I have never have before. I love my personality, my spirit, my growth, my mind, my body, my everything. I am enough for this life. Having a partner to share my already fulfilling life would be an added wonderful and loving second cup of coffee to my day. But I am no longer trying to make it fit for “us” nor changing myself to fit the relationship nor seeking one out the way I used to.
- Lula. She is single handedly the best being that has come into my life in a very long time. I never thought I had time or space for a dog. I was always running around, traveling or working. However while I was working as a park ranger at the front gate of a national park I saw a TON of people traveling with their pets. I am talking all sorts of pets, from dogs to parrots, hedgehogs to snakes. And sooo many cats just lying atop the sunny dashboards! lol. I kept saying to my coworkers that I was going to adopt a pup and then I’d show up empty handed. Well one weekend the La Plata County Humane Society was over crowed and so I went up there. I walked in without a clue as to which pup I was interested in. With their help I found Lula. She had just had puppies two months before and the last pup was adopted out a week before I went to the shelter. Her and I had our meet and greet and she sat in my lap while she waited to see if the handler was coming back. We went for a little walk and off we went..home. I do not know how a lucked out with such an amazing, loyal, sweet, gentle, quiet, loving, energetic and cuddly best friend but I did. She now lives in the lap of luxury and is 110% spoiled everyday. She has added such love and companionship to my life. She is my soul pup.
~L
~L
“I believe in kindness. Also in mischief. Also in singing, especially when singing is not necessarily prescribed.”
― Mary Oliver
Wildflowers Lori 