(this post is to be read with a British accent)
Birmingham, England October 24, 1885
Dearest Everyone who reads this blog,
I am writing to tell you about the oh so very exciting life I lead. PLEASE DO NOT BE JEALOUS OF THE FOLLOWING POST! (it will be hard but you’ll get through it)
I worked out on Saturday morning, it was leg and core day and I was feeling in tip top form. Quite wonderful that I was able to exercise my right to perform other exercises apart from taking turns around the garden with my sister Jane!
I then went to work with a client. (On the weekends I help people organize their homes and offices.) After working with the client I went to do some light bouldering at local crag if you will. Now, let me say that I am not the best climber, nor the worst but it is nice to be outside in the elements by one’s self. However, even though I was climbing by myself there were people who were hiking by and some stopped to watch me. Seriously. No one wants to watch me climb. I am not very good but I work at it… 60% of the year, okay maybe 50%. Lol… I keep ear buds in my ears so I don’t have to listen to people ask questions. I mean if you circle back around I will be stuck on the same crux that I was 30 minutes ago and you’ll think to yourself, “She stinks…let’s keep hiking.” Not very exciting to watch after all eh?! lol… Needless to say I am still working on the same problem.
Sunday morningI awoke in crazy arse pain! I mean it was painful to sit down, stand up, climb stairs, hang pictures, laugh, breath. Weirdly I had no problem eating, my buccinator muscles are in top form! 
I felt like the Tin Man who needed the oil can. Except I needed massage and a beer! I decided to take a rest day and not workout at all. I organized a client and then my friend and I went to a movie and I almost fell asleep a few times through out it. I felt I owed it to him to stay awake as he paid for the tickets! Bloody hell people…. it is quite difficult being 29 years of age. Okay, that is a lie…I am somewhere between 31 and 100 years of age. I am not narrowing it down for you anymore. You don’t deserve to know the truth.
Now it is Monday evening. I stopped at the market and then came home where I proceeded not to use a single darn ingredient I bought 20 minutes prior. I opened a bottle of delicious red wine and made vegan nachos. Vegan cheese still sucks. This brand melted better but was still absolutely tasteless. One good thing that I learned is that if you mix vegan sour cream with buffalo sauce that combo will mask the bad taste of crappy vegan cheese!!!
Now I am off to bed where I will toss and turn waking up to dry a mouth and two very dry eyes WISHING I would have bought that humidifier I saw on Amazon for $30 a week ago! I will get up at 4:15am, press snooze twice and then finally crawl out of bed and get me arse to the gym. I will literally look like the walking dead. If any of you don’t watch it on the television feel free to meet me at the gym and you can see a live performance! Lol…
Your loving sister and dead poet,
Lori and Henry (Wadsworth Longfellow) He gives to people and thinks it is cool.
