The Ebb and Flow of Life: Let Them Go (the soul suckers) and Let it Flow (the positive energy).

 


It’s spring and the flowers and trees are blooming with renewed life and the smell of fresh cut grass is in the air!  The sun, holy cow the sun is back baby!!  This is a great time for a little self realization.   Here’s mine… (please read this with sincerity, humor and a learning curve.)

Lately (as in the past few years)  I’ve been periodically stuck in others negative energy and have intermittently lost my focus.  It isn’t their fault, it’s mine.  I’m not talking about just one person.  I’m talking about a few people who have been in my life for a little while now.  This solid meditation practice that I have can sometimes disappear when I need it most, into thin air just like a ghost!  (#iloverhyming 😆)

What happens when you get caught up in others negative energy and why does it happen?  Well first let’s talk about why.

Dudes, I am a helper.  I want to help you cross the street, open a jar of pickles for you, get you through a life crisis, tell you your fly is down, listen to your problems, meditate with you, tuck your shirt tag in, make you smile on a particularly crappy day, hug you, do your dishes, hangout with you when I just want to go to bed, get you through the moment with fresh brewed coffee and LOTS of nature.  I will listen to you until I’m blue in the face.  And sometimes I become romantically involved because I fall for the tragedy aaaand I feel needed by you. (<–I know what my issues are…lol)

But guess what?!?!?!  I’m not a therapist.  I know right?.. You totally thought I was😆.  I don’t have a license, a certificate nor anything of the sort.   When I finally do wake up and realize that the line between being a good friend and getting involved too deeply (a.k.a. therapist/and or lover) has been crossed, well it’s too late.  I’m already all in.  When in reality I’m not in at all.  I’m on the sidelines of their life and I’m only called into the game when the score is so darn low and they just need a body because the star player is exhausted from trying too hard to prove to everyone they are awesome but they aren’t that awesome because they are clearly losing the game.  (Obvious tidbit: Star player being themselves, the soul sucker.)

So why are these types of people attracted to me?  Well I have been told it is because I’m optimistic, carefree, fun loving, kind, strong and independent.  (also I like to be needed [bad I know])  There is something they see in me that they are missing in their own life and they will suck you dry until they can get their hands on just a piece of your whimsical free lovin’ soul.  They will prey upon your “helper” personality because it temporarily relieves them of their own internal hellish crisis.

Here’s what’s obvious but I feel needs to be said.  You can’t bring anyone happiness if they aren’t happy with themselves or aren’t willing to receive it.  

Total “duh” moment I know…🙄

 

spring renewal
“If you watch how nature deals with adversity, continually renewing itself, you can’t help but learn.” ~Bernie Siegel, M.D.

This is where the soul suckers come in.  But first the definition (this is my own made up definition so don’t go all “legal” on me..lol) of a Soul Sucker: one who depletes you of your positive energy so they may live in happiness for the moment before returning to lives they are not happy with and the negative energy that surrounds them.  Soul suckers are either too proud or too stuck or both, to want to change themselves for the better.  They see no way out of the situation and therefore they cling onto others.   Helpers are the “pill” they pop to get them through the day.
Now I’m not saying these people are total and complete turds.  Some have been through very very very rough times.  However that does not give anyone the “I have free pass to act like this because my past is so tragic” card.  Everyone has a past and a lot have one that was not fair but that does not excuse horrible or bad behavior over an extended period of time.  Soul suckers don’t want to be soul suckers.  These are people that are so stuck in their own junk that they don’t feel as if there is a way out and they morph into soul suckers.

I’m not telling anyone how to overcome fear, grief, loss, loneliness, abandonment or depression.  I have just finally realized that don’t have the tools nor the education to help beyond a listening ear for a short period of time.  When someone keeps telling you the same story or the same “oh woe is me” tale, it’s time to go.  (The only thing I want on repeat is my favorite song while attempting to lift weights. 😜)  No one should deplete your positive vibes.

Keep those positive vibes rollin’!

  Go ahead people, share those positive vibes but know when to move on or else your positive will turn to negative and it can take some time before your higher energy frequency returns.  And don’t worry about that person after you choose to cut those ties.   Wish them love, peace and clarity and release them.  They will either find peace or find another person with a high positive energy level to prey upon because they aren’t yet ready (consciously or subconsciously) to seek the true help they so really do need.  (we all need help, some just more than others.)

Obvious tidbit:  I am not perfect.  I have my own issues to deal with.  I have total crappy moments that can last several days!  Think of mid-winter, no sun (and you’ve forgotten there ever was one), period, no date nor prospect of one on the horizon and/or the need to eat so I may hibernate all winter like a bear.  Yes, bad moments can last. I myself went through a super very very very crappy time forever ago and it affected my life in many ways.  It was horrible and it took a loooong time to come to terms with, but I never intentionally hurt anyone.

What I’m saying here is that you have to keep yourself in the forefront at all times.  Being around that negative energy can make you do things you never thought you would.  This is why I say they suck you dry because it’s then, when you have nothing left, that you surrender to their lip service.   You believe what they say.  You enter their world of perpetual sadness and selfishness.  When you do reach your breaking point you are so ready to let go and you see the light and run towards it full speed ahead.  But don’t think you’ll get there scott free.  There are still feelings of “what if”,  abandonment, loneliness, shame and just feeling bummed.  Don’t fear my peeps.  If you are a naturally happy loving person you’ll sooner rather than later realize that you feel better when they aren’t in your sphere.  You’ll want to surround yourself with positive people and those positive people will only lift your spirits higher.   Which brings me to this:  If someone doesn’t voluntarily celebrate you and your accomplishments and dreams, then see ya later alligator.  If you have to convince someone to spend time with you, then ciao dude I gotta go.  If someone can’t make the effort to be there for/with you if they are sure they won’t be getting anything in return then take that red flag and haul butt as far away from them as possible.

You have to know when to hold em’know  when to fold em’, know when to walk away and know when to run…thank you Kenny Rogers!!!!!

These are hard lessons people!  The heart is complex strong willed organ and sometimes your head has to step in and say,  “Look stupid, Brain here, I can’t take much more of this and the rest of us, muscles, bones and nerves need a break!”

Does this mean that you give up on those soul sucking people?  NO WAY DUDE!   You keep them in your meditations and prayers but only wishing them mental clarity, love and peace.  No dwelling on what was or what could have been if only things were different.  MOVE ON.  By keeping the negative energy around you, you block the positive from coming in.  Like the old saying, “misery loves company.”

One day you will be able to be friends with these people.  You’ll be able to put the past aside and embrace them.  For right now though they are not contributing to your life in a positive way.  It’s like being at a bakery, everything tastes so good until it makes you sick.

I choose to divert my path towards positive energy.  Maybe one day they will rejoin you on your path, your positive path.

Until then keep your mind free of negative clutter, embrace positive people, love like a wild person, point your face towards the sun and let it flow flow flow.  Recreate yourself, renew yourself, put yourself first, make amends where needed and move forward.

Love, peace and everything in between,

Lori

“Give what you have.  To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.”

~Henry Wadworth Longfellow (clearly this dude practiced meditation!)

 

What I am good at, according to me ;)


Cooking is not one of them.  I have the most highly sensitive smoke detector on this earth.  Or…even the smoke detector does not like my cooking.  And it’s not even really cooking for Pete’s sake.  It is grilled “cheese” and fried “pet chicken” eggs.  Gosh darn it, I was sage-ing my place tonight, you know to get rid it of bad energy and possibly not so nice spirits that may be lurking around a 100 year old building, and the darn smoke detector went off.  I. Mean. Really?

So no, if it involves the stove or the freakin’ oven for that matter, I am not good at it.

So things I am good at.

Optimism 😀  Totally 9.9999999999 times out of 10 I will see the bright side of things.  Dude, why get upset.  What is done, is done.  Learn, grow, move forward in a positive direction.

People.  I LOVE people.  I love hearing their stories, their awesome experiences and most of all, how a couple that has been married for a loooong time, has met.

Which leads me to this random tangent.

My folks, Donnie and Gina met one night while my dad was sitting on the stoop of a house with is good buddy Nick Perazola.  Walking down the street towards them was my ma and her friend whose name escapes me.  I am not sure who wore what color but as the story goes they had on matching Penn State sweatshirts.  The only difference being one was white with blue lettering and the other was blue with white lettering.  HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!  Talk about yin, yang.  Married almost 50 years (this year on September 21) and together over 54 years, they are good at marriage.  They love and fight like hell.  But they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Okay back to the list of things I am good at….

I can love like no other.  When I am with you, I am with you.  But don’t be mistaken…..I am also totally great at being without you.  Life is what it is.  The ups and downs, the rivers and oceans, the canyons and ravines.  I find my way around them because if you don’t, you’ll be just a mere shell of a being.   But it is better to navigate with a partner 😀

clouds
My picture…somewhere over Utah.  By train 2010.  

I am not good at finishing an apartment.  I have lived here for over 2 years and I have never painted nor have I bought more than one kitchen chair for my kitchen table.  Maybe I will buy another chair when I settle down with my guy.  (I haven’t met him yet…hehehehe!)  Or maybe I have and it’s all on the universes timing.  Who the hell knows.

I am good at getting myself mentally and physically lost in the woods.  I know myself well enough that if I don’t get out of town and deep into the woods I start to be “not so nice.”

I am good at Halloween decorating..just ask my sister Lisa.

I am good at amazing stupid joke telling…just ask my sister Lana.

I am good at reminding my brother that his “big man status” at work is no match for him succumbing to his three little sisters who won’t let him forget he is still out numbered.  ;D

I am not good at following through…on reupholstering this awesome vintage chair that I bought at an estate sale 4 years ago.  Still the same hideous fabric since the day I bought it.

I am good at collecting driftwood.  A piece has to have some artful effect on me.  I have to look at it and imagine it’s journey and what it went through to get to that beach.  The pieces I do have dance with one another.  🙂

Acceptance.  I am good at that.  Didn’t used to be but I am now.  I accept the good, bad and the ugly.

I am verrrrrry good at road tripping!  Probably my first love.  It’d be pretty cool to have a dog and dude to road trip with.  Any takers?!

Adventuring.  I am goooood at that.  Any takers?!

~Lori

“Give what you have.  To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.”

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

 

Shipmates or two ships in passing?

This is about that  best friend, that shipmate you’d love to sail through life with.  That best friend that you know would love, support, listen, give, laugh, encourage, help, understand, have your back, put you in your place when needed, give you space when needed, hold you close when you think you want space but they know better, cup your face in their hands and reassure you that they are there and they are listening when you are crying your eyes over a past experience that you just shared with them, meditate with you then make love…that friend that you can talk things out with no matter the situation because the sum of the us is greater than the issue at hand.  And you would be all the same to him in return because you both know it isn’t always going to be 50/50, at some point someone will be bearing more of the weight.

Neither of you are blissfully ignorant.  You realize that a relationship is not always so peace, love and bubbles.  You both know there are going to be moments when you want to to shove the other one off a cliff but it is a fleeting thought because at the end of the day you want them next to you even when you are at odds with each other.

angrylove

How do you weather the storm with them when it is raging inside of them?  Do they even want you on their ship?

Life isn’t black or white.  After all, storm clouds and fog are gray, right?

To be continued…

~L

“Give what you have.  To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.”

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow