Thoughts of worry. I haven’t seen you or even spoken to you in so long. My dreams are so vivid that I know they are real within the dream itself. Several weeks ago in my dream we just happened to bump into each other in Montana. You were fly fishing and I was rambling through the area. It was complete happenstance. The cowboy hat atop your head didn’t quite seem like a right fit but then again it has been so long maybe your tastes have changed. As you were fishing you looked so happy, like BEAMING happy as you stood alone on that great Montana river in the warm bright sunshine. The smile that cracked across your face sent so many memories rushing to my head. You were always handsome. I feel like you knew it but couldn’t always completely believe it. You asked how I was and I hesitated before telling you I was going through a divorce. Funny because we both know that I don’t believe in legalities of marriage. It was almost as if our roles were reversed. Instead of fishing though I would have been listening to the plants and animals and feeling the wind around me as I sat on the banks of the river. That wasn’t the first dream. There have been many very real dreams.
This morning, as I was driving to get my cappuccino on the way to the lake, feelings of worry began to take hold out of nowhere. Deep, sad worry. I worried about you and your feelings. This is your second time around, and I remember you telling me how hard your first time around was. I ask myself how and why these feelings come up. Why do they hold space in my chest? Space for someone that I haven’t spoken to in many, many years. Yet here they are. As my eyes teared up, I asked you to stay, please stay. I don’t know what I meant by that. Maybe that you are incredibly important for this world.
~L
Wildflowers Lori 