Tag: Travel

Do You Remember the Coffee?

Published on by Wildflowers LoriLeave a comment

Thoughts of worry. I haven’t seen you or even spoken to you in so long. My dreams are so vivid that I know they are real within the dream itself. Several weeks ago in my dream we just happened to bump into each other in Montana. You were fly fishing and I was rambling through the area. It was complete happenstance. The cowboy hat atop your head didn’t quite seem like a right fit but then again it has been so long maybe your tastes have changed. As you were fishing you looked so happy, like BEAMING happy as you stood alone on that great Montana river in the warm bright sunshine. The smile that cracked across your face sent so many memories rushing to my head. You were always handsome. I feel like you knew it but couldn’t always completely believe it. You asked how I was and I hesitated before telling you I was going through a divorce. Funny because we both know that I don’t believe in legalities of marriage. It was almost as if our roles were reversed. Instead of fishing though I would have been listening to the plants and animals and feeling the wind around me as I sat on the banks of the river. That wasn’t the first dream. There have been many very real dreams.

This morning, as I was driving to get my cappuccino on the way to the lake, feelings of worry began to take hold out of nowhere. Deep, sad worry. I worried about you and your feelings. This is your second time around, and I remember you telling me how hard your first time around was. I ask myself how and why these feelings come up. Why do they hold space in my chest? Space for someone that I haven’t spoken to in many, many years. Yet here they are. As my eyes teared up, I asked you to stay, please stay. I don’t know what I meant by that. Maybe that you are incredibly important for this world.

~L

Muscle Memory

Published on by Wildflowers LoriLeave a comment

When I was younger I left without a fleeing thought. I was free and uninhibited. My parents were young, my brother and sisters just starting their own families. I didn’t think twice about setting out and blindly exploring new places, people and things. I CRAVED new experiences and could not wait to get out of Ohio. Not that I didn’t like Ohio I just knew I couldn’t stay in one place my entire life.

I have moved away from my hometown three times in my life. Once when I was 18 and desperate to get out in the world and moved to Florida only to return home a year later. Again when I was 29 moving out to California to pursue my dream of becoming a white water rafting guide only to get into a white water accident. Then post accident finding work and living in Venice Beach and San Fransisco for almost six years.

Now moving away this time was tad bit harder. I have grown incredibly close with my siblings. It is hard knowing that I won’t be there for soccer games, track meets and color guard performances during Friday night football halftime shows. Sometimes I would just pop over to my younger sisters because I need “baby lovin'” even though the babies are now ten and eight years old. After hard days or emotional times I would go get hugs and cuddles and instantly feel better. 💛 But even with all of the above I knew it was time again for me to leave. I needed to be alone. Alone to travel, to be with my own thoughts and process these past four years.

So I took a job out west.

As I pulled out of the driveway teary-eyed, I knew I had made the right decision. Yet once I was on the road nothing felt right. I have not been on a road trip for four years. I used to take a massive road trip every year to discover new places and just be free. If I didn’t I would go mad..lol. It has been an emotionally heavy four years and I feel my mind is still a bit cloudy. I thought that once I hit the road all the joy, excitement and adventure would just come rushing back but it didn’t. At least not for the first full day. That first day felt like I was just going on a day trip even though I had driven from Cleveland, OH to just past St. Louis, MO. That’d be quite a day trip hahaha..!

I pulled into a Missouri state park and tucked into a spot across from the nice campground host. They were just going to bed when they saw me driving back and forth looking for a good spot to sleep. The husband came out to say hello and give me some info about the park and kindly left their R.V. lights on for me so I wouldn’t be in getting situated in the dark.

When I woke up the next morning I felt a shift. I was excited and could not wait to get a cup of coffee and consult my Rand McNally! GPS is great but if you can’t read a map and something happens to your phone then you’re screwed.

It was like muscle memory had FINALLY emerged! The naturalness of road tripping, the excitement of watching the landscape change over the course of a few hours, the coffee sitting beside me as I wait for it to cool down, it all felt incredibly FREEING!!!!

I. WAS. BACK!!!

Over the next two days it was as if the road-trip gods, meaning my sweet momma in heaven, cleared the path for good weather and smooth drive. ☺️ I could drive for hours upon hours when it is just me in the car but for some reason when I am the passenger on a road trip I get restless and want to stop and look around at things. But when it is just me I have to remind myself to pull over and stretch my legs and go for a walk…lol.

Even though the excitement returned I couldn’t help but feel that I should be crying. Sobbing in grief that I hadn’t fully dealt with. I thought once I was on the road alone with my thoughts that the gates would let loose a flood of emotions. But they didn’t. Maybe my momma kept them at bay and wanted me to have a beautiful trip. Plus she always told not to drive upset or crying 😆 Thanks Momma 💛

It is good to know I haven’t lost my love of traveling..

~L

“Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow