Wildflowers Lori

So I pride my on really knowing my beloved Rocky River Reservation but today I discovered a place I NEVER knew existed!  So I grew up on the south west side of the park and recently I moved to the north east portion.  So this weekend I have basically spent in bed because I overworked myself these past six weeks to the point of getting sick…I would make the WORST patient!  So, after spending all day indoors and drinking copious amount of water I decided to go for a drive though RRR.  (I am convinced you can flush anything out of your system by drinking TONS of good H2O!)

As I was meandering my way through the park I decided to drive up a road I have never been on.  Hogsback Lane.   I always just figured that it just spit you out onto to some road.  So for poops and giggles today I took a left turn up Hogsback Lane.  To my awesome surprise I discovered a whole new part of the park I have NEVER been to!  First I went up this lane and on my slow drive up the hill I stopped and spotted 12 deer on the hillside!  I have never seen that many deer at one time!  I don’t care what people say… I think they are amazing beautiful creatures 🙂

So I drove up the hill and discovered Stinchcomb-Groth Memorial Scenic Overlook!  I drove up and saw that there is the huge piece of land I never experienced.  I can’t wait to go explore it in the days ahead!  I didn’t today because I have felt like poop.  I only had it in me to drive… no hiking.  😦   I can’t wait to enjoy a sunrise one of these mornings or a sunset one evening up there….aaaahhhhh, nature!

Discovering this little gem inspired me to take a few pictures in park today.

These were taken on my much outdated iPhone so I apologize for the quality as they do not capture the beauty of RRR like I would like it to.

Anyways I have found inspiration today and this past week.  A week ago a high school friend passed away and our little town was really taken by his passing.  I went to high school with him and his wife and to say that they were an example of faith, love and family would not do them justice.  He left a legacy that has already inspired everyone I know that knew him to live life with open arms.  Open arms to life, family, faith (whatever yours may or may not be) and to always be there when someone is in need.   I’d like to think that I live this way already but it is nice to see that T.J.’s life was complete in every way.  God took him home because he no longer had work to do here on earth.  His work will continue long after his passing.  Here is a little excerpt from his blog dadfirst.net.  It is titled 39 Things I have Learned to Keep on Keeping On…  They are some pretty great words to live by.

Another inspirational person I came across was Alex Sheen of because i said i would.   I first saw Alex speak at a work fundraiser I attended with my brother.  Alex is a man of such integrity and promise.  He started this social movement because of his late father.  His father was a man of his word.  He kept his promise.  The premise of this site are the promise cards.  They are the size of a business card and you write a promise on them.  For example here is one I wrote to myself the other day.

This card can be made out to yourself or to someone else.  The stories on the website because i said i would are so raw and amazing and inspirational.  Here is one that moved me to tears.  It is about Colonel Parker Schenecker and how he is dealing with the loss of his two beautiful children.  Totally worth viewing.  Alex inspired me so much that I have started volunteering at their headquarters.  I really encourage everyone to check out the website and see the amazing things Alex Sheen has done for others.

My niece Molly is also an inspiration to me!  The other morning I drove over to my sister’s house thinking they would all be getting ready for school.  (I am an early bird!)  To my surprise the house was quiet… I didn’t realize they were on spring break!  Oops!  Anyways I woke my almost 14 year old niece Molly (wow!  I still can’t believe she is going to be 14 in two months!) by dancing to an awesome song that popped into my head on the way over to their house.  The song was, I’m Walking On Sunshine.  It is just a fun, upbeat and catchy song and I freakin’ love it!  So Molly and I drove down to the beach to catch the sunrise and every time I talk with her, her spirit just amazes me!  She is in many ways your typical teenager but what I love and find so inspiring about her is that she is her own person.  She is not really a conformist.  She loves what she loves (horses) and she is who she is.  She is intelligent, funny and beautiful.  She inspires me every time we talk and hang out.  I love you Mowgli!!!

Inspiration can be found anywhere at anytime.  You just have to open your eyes to the beauty around you.  Let the light shine upon you so it can shine through you.

Peace, love and lots of warm sunshine,

~Lori

“Give what you have.  To someone it may be better than you dare to think.”

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Good Evening Everyone!  I sincerely hope that this work week was good to you all!  I know I am looking forward to a weekend that is filled with relaxation, meditation, family and SLEEP!  Lol….

I want to chat about something, a change to be precise, that has happened internally for me.  I only really figured it out in the past week and I am so excited to share it with you.  Something personal happened in the past week that before would have sent me down a serious road of  self analyzing that in turn would have spurred a serious Q&A session in my head.  I am not going to divulge the personal circumstance.  (I can’t share everything with you all!)

As I have mentioned in a previous post I went through a pretty painful self discovery about 2 years ago.  I  worked really hard to overcome that pain, loss and self-doubt.  I am NOT totally rid of the self-doubt because I believe that will be a work in progress for some time to come at any given point in my life.  Maybe one day I will be enlightened enough to never encounter self-doubt again … um yeah right.  Oh wait, there I go again!  Hahahaha!

I’ll get started….as the quote above states I used to prefer my suffering because it was what I knew. Although I knew I didn’t enjoy it, it was familiar.  It was a protective barrier with giant walls.  If I didn’t break down those walls then I would never get hurt again.  I could live within the safe compound of my suffering.  For as much as an adventurer that I am, I didn’t want to venture personally out of fear of failure, pain and disappointment.  Now the suffering that I went through could be completely different from the kind of suffering that you or someone you know may be going through.    No matter what it is, it IS possible to overcome and when you least expect you will find yourself one day in a complex situation and your old way of thinking won’t even enter your mind.

One of my great discoveries in this life is Deepak Choprah and his The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.  I bought this book on iTunes and listened to it in my car over and over and over and over again!  To this day I STILL listen to it just to keep myself on track.  Deepak Choprah talks about how you can change your way of thinking by going into the gap, the space between thoughts, “…this space between thoughts is pure consciousness, pure silence, and pure peace. When we meditate, we use an object of attention, such as our breath, an image, or a mantra, which allows our mind to relax into this silent stream of awareness. When thoughts arise, as they inevitably will, we don’t need to judge them or try to push them away. Instead, we gently return our attention to our object of attention.”  Meditation has also become a go to appreciation, relaxation and inspirational place for me.  Now, I am by NO MEANS a meditating, yogic or spiritual guru.  I am just simply sharing what has worked for me.  I changed my way of thinking by LETTING GO of my old ways of thinking.  The negativity, the self-doubt, the wanting like hell to control the situation, the wanting to force an outcome…  it completely went away for me this time around.  Deepak Choprah says you can do more by doing nothing.  I find that to be very true for me.  I find that if I sit back, don’t judge, don’t force and don’t try to control the situation then things work out exactly how they should without all the anxiety that comes from trying to control, force and judge.  There was a moment this past week where I tried to come up with a solution and implement it.  But it didn’t work.  It would not have worked because I was trying to be in control instead of just being.  I am not perfect at this.  But this past week I felt SOOOOO HAPPY with myself for realizing what was going on and choosing a different approach and response than what I would have before.  I am now able to set positive intentions in my meditations.  Not selfish ones.  Only positive ones that will benefit the greater good of everyone involved.

Now I am just letting my situation unfold exactly how the universe wants it to.  Naturally.  Without human interference, my humanness!

Relationships, life, work, etc. can all change if we decided to change our thoughts and become more self aware.  There are many aspects of my life that I still need to apply this to.  But when it happened this past week I felt like I was on cloud nine!

I may want a certain out come but it may not be the one intended for me.  The difference this time around is that I ACCEPT that!  And that feels pretty damn good!  Here is a great link about acceptance from a Choprah Center newletter.  http://www.chopra.com/files/newsletter/Feb11/Newsletter-Feb11-david.html

(I apparently don’t have the option in insert a hyperlink so you will have to copy and paste it)  😦

Becoming a happier human is an ever ongoing process that suprises me, enlightens me and makes me hopeful.  I hope this helped in someway for someone out there.

Peace, lots of warm sunshine love, and bubbles,

~Lori

“Give what you have.  To someone it may be better than you dare to think.”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

This is something that I have been wanting to write about.  These are my thoughts, my feelings and my own self discoveries.  I respect all religious beliefs that are peaceful.

I am a cradle Catholic.  This means I have been Catholic since my days hangin’ in the womb.  Both of my parents are Roman Catholic.  I did attend Catholic school for the first 3 years of my formal education.  I only had a nun for a teacher once.  In second grade I had Sister Mary for a half a year when we moved from E. 72nd in Cleveland to the suburb of North Ridgeville.  I went to Sacred Heart of Jesus and then finished out my second grade year at St. Mary’s in Avon, Ohio.  I loved all my teachers at Sacred Heart.  I loved the school, the Polish festivals that my siblings and I partook in, running cross country, I even loved going to mass.  Most of all I LOVED my first communion dress!  My sister had worn it before me and I couldn’t wait to wear it and the veil that went along with it.  I remember feeling like I was marrying God!  When we moved to North Ridgeville in April of 1985 we eventually joined St. Julie Billiart Parish.  I was NOT a fan of the priest at this church.  He didn’t seem to relate to kids well and quite frankly I didn’t feel like I was in church because this new one was so….not churchy?!  There weren’t any pews and zero stained glass.  Plus it was bright and airy.  On the inside it looked more like a place you would have a wedding reception than an actual wedding.  My parents continued putting us into to PSR (Sunday school) until the day we graduated high school.  I even helped teach special needs kids in Sunday school. Well, pretty soon after I started high school, my friend Kathy and I would skip Sunday school to go by cigarettes and pop at Polly’s.  Polly’s was a tiny mom and pop store that someone ran out of the bottom of their house.

I didn’t get much out of PSR…well not when I was older anyways.  Everything that was taught was very much on a surface level.  We didn’t delve deep into anything really.  It was more of this is how it is and this it what you are suppose to believe…Now GO!  I remember telling my dad that I didn’t want to make my confirmation in the 10th grade.  That I wanted to explore other religions.  He said, “Too bad.  As long as you’re living under my roof you are getting confirmed.”  Now, even at the young age of 15 or 16 I knew there had to be more to this world then my own little area.  Different people, beliefs, cultures, etc.  I wanted to study those.  Actually, I wanted to travel and live among these foreign concepts.  But alas, I was to be confirmed.  I remember having to write letters (I forget what about…something heartfelt I am sure) and go to confession.  What do you say in confession?  Crap about your siblings, school, parents, but was I really going to get down to the nitty gritty with all of my thoughts, feelings and actions?!  Hell NO!  At least not with the priest who was at the parish at the time and certainly not without in me being in my own little stall and a sliding screen window between us!  Not gonna happen!

But something DID happen one night during my confirmation journey.  We all opened up and read our letters and I started crying as most of us did.  It was an emotional evening but in a good way.  From that point on I was a good Catholic girl.  I wanted to marry a good clean-cut Catholic boy.  We’d get married, attend church and live a happy little life.

LOL….then life happened.  I fell in love with a boy in high school and we dated for 4 years, moved down south together and moved back to Ohio 11 months later.  Oh to be young and stupid…lol!  It was around then that my faith strengthened in ways that only one who is going through a life crap storm can experience.  I would sit in an empty church and cry until I couldn’t breathe.  My world was falling apart around me and no matter how many people surrounded me with love and advice, I needed to walk this journey alone.  With The Lord.

I believe being in the wrong church can be like having a guidance counselor in high school (ah hem!) who doesn’t really truly care or support you.  Fast forward a few years.  I am now in my early 20’s now and really listening to the homilies.  They all had a reoccurring theme…MONEY.  It made me sick.  What also made me sick was the “it’s the Catholic way or the high way” rhetoric that came at me almost every Sunday.  Call me crazy but when the parish priest is driving a beautiful new car and eating from the fattened calf while members of his congregation are suffering, that is bull caca! By this time I have jumped from parish to parish trying to find one that truly embodied the way and life of Jesus.  My searches fruitless.

At this point I decided to go explore other religions.  There had to be one out there that was gentle and didn’t look down upon other religions.  That is when I discovered a book titled, Black Elk Speaks.  It opened my eyes to Native American spirituality.  They didn’t make fun, cast aside or discount other religions.  I found my inner foundation of my beliefs!  I even made a pilgrimage if you will, to the Badlands.  I walked the entire Crow reservation in Montana.  But it’s not like you can roll up to a sacred spot and join in the fun.  I didn’t know how to get in the door.  So after a few more years of worshiping Mother Earth I was still at a loss for a belief system.

Truly I believe that God presents his or herself in different ways to different people.  I don’t think that there is a right way to pray.  Through my years of religious searching, I would still find myself entering into empty Catholic churches and just sitting there. In quiet stillness.  Feeling completely at peace.  Maybe this is because it is where everything religious in my life started.  It was my religious home base.

After moving home from California I became very quickly involved in a relationship that I knew in my gut I didn’t want to be in.  I wanted to establish myself first.  I remember telling my friend who set us up, “I don’t want to be with anyone right now.  My God I have only been home for 12 days!”  But with everyone pushing me to just give it a whirl, I digressed from my original plan and entered into the relationship.  So here I am, unexpectedly living back in Ohio, in a relationship, and wanting to scream from the top of my lungs but could not get the sound out.  Him and I went to midnight mass that first December and I remember telling him that I believe the Catholic church is political and money hungry and that is about all it is.  By this time I had been away from Catholicism for about 10 years now.

From time to time during our relationship I would find him kneeling at the bedside in the morning before he left for work, holding my hand in my half awake/half asleep state, praying.  I could not for the life of my appreciate this at the time it was happening.  I never bothered to ask who he was praying to or what he was praying about.  Communication and respecting each others beliefs and choices were not our strong point with each other.  I cannot tell you how many times during my first year and a half being back home from California, I felt incredibly alone.  Alone in my beliefs, thoughts, actions, hopes, dreams….  I would be tucked in his arms every evening feeling completely alone.  It was not one person’s fault over the other that ended that relationship.  The aftermath of that relationship was one of the biggest lessons in my life.

Shortly after moving out of his place, I awoke one afternoon from a nap and found myself on my hands and knees SOBBING and calling out to anyone “up there” who would listen…

To be continued….

~Lori

“Give what you have, to someone it may be better than you dare to think.”

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.